


Finding Normal

by PhantomWhisper



Category: Sanctuary (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Male Slash, Romance, Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2014-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-30 19:29:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomWhisper/pseuds/PhantomWhisper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of 'The Five' and 'Requiem,' Will is forced to deal with personal issues and figure out the heart of who he is and what is important. Warning: spoilers through most of Season 1 and slash. Don't like it? Don't read! :-)</p><p>This story was originally published on Fanfiction.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Inhibitions Lowered

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in season one, starting right before Requiem (Episode 109). This are spoilers for a good portion of season one, so for safety sake assume spoilers for all of season one.
> 
> This does contain slash material (ie: male/male relationship). There is nothing incredibly graphic but if this subject matter offends you please do not read.
> 
> Reviews are loved! Constructive feedback is appreciated. Flames will be thrown in my circular file (ie: trashed/ignored).
> 
> Thank you all for reading!

Will knew when he took the job that it wasn't going to be fun and games all of the time. He was prepared for it to be stressful and a lot of hard work. He was prepared for long days and sleepless nights, however the last couple weeks had gone above and beyond what he had expected. The event with the Naga tested the edges of his tolerance. His mind kept replaying the event... Turning around to find the creature there... Realizing he was unarmed and not able to get out of the way in time... Finally getting to a room to hide only to find the door wouldn't open... bracing himself for the fact that he was almost certainly about to die... Then having a blur of flesh and fur appear and dive out the hallway window, taking the creature with it... Then looking out that window to find his savior to be Henry... He was trying to go with the flow but it was all a little hard to process.

So while Will thought he was doing pretty well, all things considered, he was still rather on edge, even before the recent events in the Bermuda triangle. He knew he should talk to someone about what was going on in his head; it just became an issue of a lack of options. As far as he knew he was the only psychiatrist that specialized in abnormals and going to a regular psychiatrist was out of the question. How quickly would he be locked in the looney bin if he told someone on the outside what really happened?  _So, Doc, I need to chat because recently I had a seven foot tall snake creature jump out of my elevator at me and I would have been eaten if my coworker (who apparently can change into a wolf) hadn't jumped out a window with it._  Oh, yeah, they wouldn't think he was crazy at  _all_.

The thought briefly crossed Will's mind that he could perhaps talk to Magnus, or one of the other staff of the Sanctuary, but that idea was quickly dismissed. Will had learned long ago not to allow himself to become close to the people he worked with. It only ended badly if he did. Although the Sanctuary was starting to feel like home it did not mean he could trust them to accept him for who he was.

The dreams plagued him pretty much nightly since the attack. At first they were just his mind replaying the events, with things happening in slow motion and endlessly winding corridors that stretched on for miles. The Naga looming over him, seeming to grow larger as the seconds passed until finally Henry arrived to save him. While not necessarily nightmares they did disturb him. Usually the dreams were an exaggeration of what really happened but every now and then they took on a more... adult... nature. Will meeting up with Henry after the fact and making sure Henry was aware of his gratitude. They didn't happen very often but whenever he had one of those dreams Will woke very confused about where they came from and had a hard time looking Henry in the eye the following day.  _I'm straight_ , Will reminded himself.  _The dreams just come from a misplaced sense of gratitude. Because it has been a_ very _long time since I have gotten laid. It's n_ ot _because I'm attracted to Henry._

Regardless of what Will felt for Henry sexually, he enjoyed spending time with him. They had a good time together. Will found he could just relax and be himself. He came dangerously close to letting his guard down around Henry. As they spent more time together Will started to wonder if his lack of sex life wasn't the cause of his odd dreams but if the reason was Henry himself. Will started to notice subtle hints that Henry might be interested: the way he would occasionally catch Henry staring at him with an odd expression on his face when Henry thought Will wasn't looking, the way he would occasionally lick his lips or let his eyes drift quickly from Will's eyes to Will's lips while they were hanging out, how Henry would sometimes softly touch Will's arm while they talked. Will didn't know if Henry even realized what he was doing.  _At least that explains that_ , Will thought.  _I must just be picking up on Henry's signals._  The more they hung out the more Will became aware of the subtle clues of Henry's sexuality.

Despite Will's worry over Henry's potentially misplaced affection and the slightly disturbing (although oddly erotic) dreams that were the result, Henry's friendship and his calming presence helped Will but he had not gotten back to what he felt was 'normal' when Magnus announced they would be taking a little trip to the Bermuda Triangle. He couldn't help feeling less than thrilled. Henry and Ashley didn't understand his reticence. "Dude, it's the Bermuda Triangle," Henry said, barely able to contain his excitement. "Do you know how many cool, paranormal things have reportedly happened in the Bermuda Triangle?" While he hadn't actually said anything, Will knew Henry was really disappointed he didn't get to go along.

"Being trapped in a tin can for ten hours is not my idea of a good time," he told them. "Regardless of the location." He couldn't tell them that his apprehension ran much deeper than that. Magnus was a perceptive woman and when she got on the scent of something it was difficult to get her off the topic. He was very paranoid that she would find out that he wasn't handling things as well as he should. To keep her from any suspicions he purposefully kept up a litany of questions during their trip. As long as she was answering (or trying to avoid) his stream of questions, it kept her preoccupied from thinking there may be some questions she should be ask him. The last thing he wanted was to be psychoanalyzed by his boss. He did find it quite enlightening to learn about his centennial mentor. She was a fascinating lady. He wanted to believe that he could trust her, open up to her, but couldn't help the fear that it was all a lie, that she would fire him at the wrong move and he didn't want to lose his home and family. Not again.

It would have hurt to realize he had to kill anyone but the pain was doubled by the fact that it was Helen Magnus. Having to watch her die was one of the most difficult things he'd ever had to do. The panic flooded him more and more as every moment passed that he wasn't able to revive her.  _C'mon, Magnus. You're going to be okay. Stay with me, Magnus!_ When she finally grabbed his hand and weakly spoke to him he felt quite manic with relief. He could feel the shock of it all weighing on him but he did his best to push it to the back of his mind.  _Magnus needs me now. Later, when we are back at the Sanctuary and I'm alone, then I can lose it. Until then, be a professional and hold it together Zimmerman._

By the time Will and Magnus returned home the staff of the Sanctuary were all aware of what had transpired in the submarine and were just as anxious for them to get home as they were to be back. As soon as they got out of the car Ashley and Biggie started dithering over Magnus, attempting to make her comfortable while reassuring themselves that she was indeed okay. It was rare than they were reminded that their aged matriarch was not death-proof. Will was pretty sure that she was just as eager to be alone with her thoughts as he was but Magnus let them carry her off. Will was more than happy to let them dote over her, trying to stay in the background until they were out of sight so they would not remember he was there and turn their well-meaning attention on him. After the return submarine trip plus the airplane ride from San Juan, Will felt his sanity was hanging by a thread and just wanted to make it back to his room before he lost it. He wanted no witnesses.

Unnoticed, Henry walked up behind Will. "How are you holding up?" Henry asked softly. Will jumped and Henry reached out a hand to steady the startled psychiatrist. Will put a hand over Henry's and took a deep breath. When his heartbeat had returned to something near normal Will let go of his hand and gave him an embarrassed look. Henry chuckled. "Guess that answers that question. Let's go," Henry said, picking up Will's bags.

Will looked up, startled "What?" Henry just started walking towards the door with Will's bag and looked back to see if Will was following him. Will stared at Henry for a moment before trotting along behind him. "Are you hungry? We could grab something from the kitchen. Biggie will be too preoccupied with Magnus to yell at us. Anyway, I think he prepared something for you guys, just in case." Will just shook his head and they continued up to Will's room.

When they arrived at the door Will turned to Henry. "I really just need to be alone now."

"I figured as much," Henry said, as he opened the door and continued inside. Will watched as Henry placed his bag off to the side and puttered around the room. "You sure you don't need anything? Another blanket? Fresh towels? Would you like help unpacking?"

Will walked over to where Henry was frantically puttering around Will's room. He gently put a hand on Henry's shoulder. "Henry, what are you doing?" he asked, not unkindly. Henry's shoulders sank and Will felt an almost in-perceivable shake before Henry finally turned around to look at him. "I was worried about you," he said simply.

"I'm fine. Really. I just really need some sleep."

Henry nodded but looked so upset that Will broke his number one rule of keeping people at arms length as he pulled Henry in and gave the poor man a hug. Henry clung to him for a long moment and Will wanted to relax into the hug, wanted to be able to truly enjoy this sweet moment. Henry had actually missed him. It was more than Will had ever expected. Finally Henry pulled away. "Okay, I'll get out of your way, let you rest. " He turned around when he got to the doorknob and gave Will a small smile. "It's really good to have you back."

Will's professional demeanor lasted for about five seconds after Henry shut the door before it dissolved completely. He walked over and locked the door behind Henry and then just leaned his back against the door before the shock he had been staving off for the past 24 hours overtook him. He slid down to the floor and shook. The events of the past day overcame him and he gave in. As he dealt with the flood of emotions he couldn't help the idle thought that crossed his mind in the middle of it all:  _I wish Henry was still here._

Will finally got the energy and control of his senses enough to climb off the floor and into his bed. As his head hit the pillow he realized how fatigued he was, realized that with the exception of the short nap he took on the submarine he hadn't slept since he last left the Sanctuary. He closed his eyes for what he hoped would be a long sleep.

* * *

_His eyes opened to find himself tied to a chair, Magnus standing over him, yelling at him. The feeling of helplessness as he desperately tried to reason with her or tell her what she wanted to hear: anything that would get her to untie him so he could stop her, help her. The scene shifted to them, outside the airlock, soaked to the bone and freezing cold, him pointing the gun at her, trying to talk some sense into her but being helpless: unable to change her actions and unable to pull the trigger. Her attacking him, taking the gun from him. She would have killed him if he hadn't managed to get the bullets out of the gun in time. And then having to relive killing her, watching her through the porthole window as she suffocated, panicking, begging him to not kill her, watching as she slowly died. Helen lying dead on the floor of the submarine, or her with a gun pointed at him. It was a endless loop of him killing her and her trying to kill him._

* * *

Will awoke with a start, sweaty and shaking. A look at the clock showed him that he had only been asleep for about an hour. His body screamed for sleep but he couldn't bring himself to try to sleep more at the moment. He had just had to live that scene. He didn't have any desire to relive it at the moment. His desire for sleep wasn't enough to make him want to see if the nightmare would come back if he returned to sleep. Despite the early hour he decided to get up and go to his office to get caught up on his patients.

The next night he tried to sleep and was rewarded by more nightmares, reliving those horrible hours in the submarine over and over again every time he closed his eyes. After an hour or two of attempted sleep he gave up to pursue other measures. He tried exercise, he tried warm milk, he even tried some of Biggie's herbal tea that everyone at the Sanctuary raved about. All he got was more tired, an upset stomach, and a continuation of the nightmares for his troubles.

He was at his wits end. While no stranger to insomnia, this was testing his boundaries. He was used to not being able to sleep because his brain wouldn't quit working on a problem, not because of a fear of what waited in the sleep he so desperately craved. He hadn't dealt with this since he was a little boy, since he watched his mother die. Three hours of sleep in the past three days was testing even his limits.

For the third night in a row he gave up on sleep, dressed and walked to his office. Several hours later Helen found him at his desk, surrounded by papers, refiling his old patients. "Was there a localized earthquake of which I was not made aware?" she asked, amusedly surveying the disarray of his office.

"Um... no. Just thought I should get caught up on some of my filing. You are always encouraging me to complete them and I figured... now's as good as any time, right?" He said with a shrug.

"At three am?" she said. Her expression was amused, but he could tell from her body language that she was anything but.  _Crap!_  he thought.  _Time for damage control._

"Yeah, well. Sleep is overrated, right? What are you doing up so late?" he asked in an attempt to deflect.

"Henry mentioned that you were up late two nights ago. Ashley said something similar about last night." She said, ignoring his question and studying his reaction.

For his part he tried to remain calm even though his insides were screaming. He didn't know what was worse: the worry that she might fire him, drug him into sleep, or make him talk to her. "They must have caught me at just the right time. I just wanted to get caught up from things that happened while we were gone."

"Will, please go get some sleep. I will forgive your late or disorganized paperwork. You look like you haven't slept in a week." When she saw his hesitancy she frowned. "If you're having trouble sleeping I can give you something to help with that."

"No!" he said quickly. She jumped slightly at the forcefulness of his response. "I mean... that's not necessary. I'll go get some rest." He made a point of not promising sleep.

"You do that. And please take the next two days off. I need you at your best and you obviously need some down time."

He nodded in response, biting back the reply that more undistracted time with his thoughts was the LAST thing he needed and watched her leave.

He returned to his room in case she sent someone to check on him, smuggling a few case files he had been wanting to study with him. The night passed very slowly for him, trapped in his room when he was supposed to be sleeping, without even the distraction of upcoming work to look forward to. By morning he wasn't sure how he was even going to pass the day. The exhaustion was overwhelming. He walked down to breakfast more as something to pass the time than out of a desire for food.

"Will... you look like hell," were the first things out of Henry's mouth as Will walked into the kitchen. He couldn't help noticing Ashley nod of agreement. "Thanks guys," he said as he reached for coffee. As he sat with them to drink his coffee they chatted aimlessly. When Ashley finally excused herself to head to an appointment with someone who supposedly was going to give them an "amazing deal" on some weapons, Henry turned to Will with a concerned eye. Will stared intently at his coffee and wondered how he could escape before the grilling began. He was too tired to keep his walls up and deflect Henry's attempt at kindness.

"Dude, are you okay?" Henry said finally.

Will sighed. "That apparently is the question of the day."

"We're just concerned. You look like you haven't slept in days."  _Which would be accurate_ , Will thought but did not want to admit that to the well-meaning lycan.

"It's just stress," Will said, hoping that Henry would buy it. "Nothing that a day off won't cure. Which..." he continued before Henry could interject. "...I have today."

"Cool," Henry seemed content to let it drop at that, although Will noted the concerned look did not completely leave his eyes. "Well, if you get bored and want to hang out, just let me know."

Will knew he had to deal with the crazy that was starting to form in his head from a lack of sleep and the stress from recent events. So despite the mini-psychiatrist in his head telling him the unhealthy nature of his actions, he found himself attempting the one sleep remedy that he hadn't tried (with the exception of drugs, which he saw as a LAST resort). That evening he found himself in the media room, the game on the big screen, attempting to relax by putting himself into an alcohol-induced coma with the help of his good friend Jack Daniels. The psychiatrist in him did not approve but Will rationalized with that part of himself. "It's just a drink. Maybe two. I don't  _need_  to drink. I just  _want_  a drink to help me sleep, maybe stop the nightmares."

* * *

Walking down the hall that evening, Henry and Ashley were drawn to the media room by the rather large amount of noise coming from the cracked door. They were very surprised to find their resident psychiatrist, legs propped up on the coffee table and a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels on the table at his feet. The liquid in the glass clutched in his hand sloshed precariously as Will leaned forward towards the television to yell at the ref for what he apparently deemed a bad call.

"Hey there Will," Henry said, exchanging concerned glances with Ashley as they walked into the room. "Whatcha up to?"

"Henry! Ashley! My friends! Come join me!" He exclaimed, gesturing precariously to the bottle at his feet and the glass in his hands.

"Drunk Will is a friendly Will," Ashley observed to Henry. Henry noticed that her accurate assessment of Will's inebriated state did not stop her from grabbing a glass and going to join Will on the couch.

Henry glanced from Will to the half empty bottle and back. "How long have ya been drinking, buddy?"

Will shrugged and leaned forward to yell again at the apparently incompetent ref. When done he turned back to him. "Want some?" Henry thought for a moment. On one hand it kind of looked like perhaps Will was teetering on the threshold between 'pleasantly drunk' and 'drank too much', and considering Will's appearance this morning combined with the fact that Henry couldn't remember a time when he'd seen Will have more than a single beer in one sitting, Henry wasn't sure if Will drinking was the best idea in the world. On the other hand Henry rationalized that Will was an adult and did not need Henry's approval to enjoy an alcoholic beverage if he wished. Plus if Henry stayed he could make sure that no harm came to him. The fact that Will and Ashley were sitting closer than Henry felt was strictly necessary had no bearing on his decision, Henry's jealous heart tried to convince his head. Reluctantly Henry acquiesced and joined Will and Ashley for a drink.

* * *

The game on the television got relegated to the background as the young people of the Sanctuary played a drinking game of Ashley and Will's devising. Not surprisingly Will found Ashley could match him shot for shot. Henry, on the other hand, did not show the same proclivity or desire, seeming content to sip his drink at a more leisurely pace and watch them play a game that seemed to be a cross between Never Have I Ever, Twenty Questions, and I Spy, choosing to act as more of an observer on their joviality. Despite Henry's seeming lack of interest, Will did not give up on his attempt to get him to participate. "Truth or dare, Henry?"

Ashley scowled at Will. "Truth or dare isn't part of the game, William," she said, sounding dangerously similar to her mother, although neither of the boys would ever have admitted that to her.

"It is now," Will shot back. "Truth or dare," he repeated, his piercing glance not at all dulled by the alcohol as he stared at Henry.

Henry stared back at Will.  _What are you up to?_  Henry thought. He could feel the alcohol working the edges of his senses, daring him to answer Will and see where it went.  _It could get interesting_ , Jack Daniels tried to convince him. Fortunately Jack's hold on him was small enough that he wasn't able to convince Henry that it was a good idea to play truth or dare with a man that you had a secret crush on. Henry shook his head but couldn't stop himself from winking at Will as he said 'Nice try though."

Will pouted but let it go and the game continued until Will and Ashley were well and truly sauced. Not nearly as intoxicated, Henry sat back and enjoyed the gentle banter of his foster sister and the newest arrival to the Sanctuary.

Finally Ashley emptied the last of her glass. "Okay," she said, swaying to her feet, "I think that's my cue to leave." She patted Will on the shoulder as she passed him. From behind his back she mouthed to Henry, "Take care of him." Henry noded subtly and she stumbled out of the room.  _Nice to know she's still coherent enough to realize how far gone Will is._

* * *

Will sat on the couch, enjoying the company and the warm numbing that the alcohol was providing. He was hoping that the blissful oblivion that he sensed wasn't too far off would be enough to ward off the nightmares that he knew would otherwise be waiting for him. He watched Ashley stumble out of the room and turned to look at Henry. "Think she'll be okay getting back to her room?"

"Knowing Ashley, she'll be fine." Henry said. Henry looked uncertain for a moment and then moved from his position on the arm chair to sit next to Will on the couch. Will found himself pleased at Henry's relocation.  _Where did that thought come from?_ Will thought, then quickly dismissed it as the effects of the alcohol. Will patted Henry on the leg as Henry sat down. His arm felt so heavy and he couldn't really bring himself to think of why he should move his hand from Henry's thigh. Together they sat on the couch and watched the end of the game, slowly sipping the remnants of their beverages. Will was enjoying the game and the company but his head and eyes began to feel rather heavy. He shook his head and blinked furiously, trying to keep away the sleep that was trying to catch him. Despite his better judgement he let his head slid over to rest on Henry's shoulder.  _Better_ , Will thought.

* * *

Henry was surprised by the weight of Will's head gently landing on his shoulder. He couldn't help smiling. His hand drifted down to gently rub against Will hand, which still resided on his thigh, and listened as Will's breathing evened out.  _Good_ , Henry couldn't help thinking.  _The poor man obviously is in need of sleep._  He noticed Will's glass, seemingly forgotten in his hand. Not wanting to face the wrath of Magnus if alcohol spilt on her couch, Henry gently pried the tumbler from Will's iron grip.

"You're such a good friend, Henry," Will quietly slurred.

"Geez man," a startled Henry proclaimed. "I thought you were asleep."

"Can't sleep," the inebriated man said softly.

"What do you mean?" Henry asked, as casually as possible, hoping that drunk Will might be able to tell him what sober Will never would.

"Ghosts will get me."

"Ghosts?"

"Yeah, from the submarine. Magnus tries to kill me when I sleep. I don't want to have to kill her again."

_Is that the reason you've looked like hell for the past couple days? Poor Will! No wonder you look like you haven't gotten any sleep!_ Henry lifted his arm to place it around Will's shoulder. He couldn't help feeling pleased when Will snuggled into him.  _It's just because he's sleep-deprived and drunk_ , Henry tried to rationalize. Despite that thought Henry found his hand running up and down Will's arm, tracing invisible patterns on Will's skin. Part of his brain knew he wouldn't have been doing this if he hadn't been drinking and yet couldn't quite bring himself to stop or care.

They sat in silence for a while longer as the television shifted from the game to the after-game recap shows to finally the evening news. Henry's hands became slowly bolder as the evening wore on, rubbing against Will's clothed skin, enjoying the rare moment with Will. Will was normally so standoffish, not initiating any sort of physical contact and looking incredibly uncomfortable at anyone else's initiation of physical contact. Henry knew he shouldn't read too much into it but his smitten heart couldn't help wondering if it meant something.  _Probably just another example of drunk Will,_  he rationalized.

"I killed her Henry," Will whispered, so softly Henry almost wondered if he imagined it.

"It doesn't sound like you had much of a choice. It sounds like by killing her you saved both of your lives."

Henry felt Will's body tense at the memory and he rubbed his shoulder in an attempt to calm him. "I'm glad you came back okay." He paused, realizing what he said then tried to correct himself. "I am glad both of you came back okay."

"Me too," Will said, snuggling slightly further into Henry's neck. Henry sighed, trying not to get lost in the moment. He knew this was just the alcohol talking now, that the straight doctor didn't know what he was doing, didn't know the reaction he was creating in Henry.

* * *

Will's current state of inebriation was finally causing his brain to shut off.  _No brain means no nightmares, right?_  Will hoped. And even though a part of Will's brain was still rational enough to realize that he wouldn't have been snuggling with Henry under normal circumstances, Will was so comfortable that he couldn't bring himself to care. When Henry finally turned off the television and stood up Will couldn't resist the pout that formed on his face. "Okay, I think it's time to get you to bed," Henry said, turning to face Will. Will couldn't help the excited leap in the pit of his stomach at Henry's words, and waggled his eyebrows suggestively as Henry took his hands and hauled him to his feet. He could hear Henry's breath catch slightly before continuing to put an arm around Will's waist to help guide him down the halls to the room to which Will had no desire to go.

* * *

Henry thought his heart was going to leap out of his chest at Will's reaction to Henry's words about bed, however as quickly as the expression appeared it passed so Henry was uncertain he actually saw what he thought he did. Holding out a hand for Will, he pulled the drunken doctor to his feet.

"Thank you for saving me," Will quietly slurred as they walked down the hall to the elevator that led to the residential level.

"What?" Henry asked.

"For saving me from the Naga. Thank you. I know you didn't want me to know about your change."

"I'm just glad you're okay. I could have hurt you instead." It wasn't the first time that Henry had worried about what could have happened to Will if his wolf had decided to attack Will instead of the Naga. Or if he hadn't gotten there in time. His arm tightened instinctively around Will for a moment before he realized and forced himself to relax.

"You wouldn't have hurt me," Will said confidently. Henry had wrapped one arm under the armpits and around the back of his friend to give him some extra support as they walked down the halls and Will leaning closer to Henry.

_Dude, you are_ killing _me,_  was all Henry could think. Out loud he said "I could have. You don't know that."

"You wouldn't have. I know."

As they stood and waited for the elevator Will rested his head back on Henry's shoulder, tucking his face in Henry's neck. Henry couldn't resist wrapping his other arm around Will and holding him a little tighter than he should while waiting for the lift to appear. Henry knew he should feel bad about taking advantage of the situation but the fact that Will leaned into the hug made it hard for Henry to feel like he was doing something wrong.

The door to the elevator opened and Henry led them inside. Despite their change in location Will failed to change their body positions as they moved into the elevator. If anything Will moved a little closer to Henry, snuggling up against him, nuzzling his nose into the crook of Henry's neck.

"Will," Henry was embarrassed at how breathy his voice sounded, but Will's closeness was affecting him.

"Hmmm?" Will asked, his lips brushing against the skin of Henry's neck and chin as he lifted his drunken head to look up at Henry. Henry took a slight step back to give them some distance but Will took a step with him, wanting to keep the closeness they'd established. "Do you not want to be close to me?" Will asked, nuzzling his lips along Henry's jaw-line towards his ear. "I've seen the way you look at me sometimes, Henry," Will breathed in his ear.

The pit of Henry's stomach ran cold. Will knew.  _Of course he knows_ , Henry thought grimly.  _He's so damn perceptive_. Of course he saw something that Henry thought he was hiding. The chilling feeling in Henry's stomach at the knowledge that his secret was known was warmed by the way Will ran his lips across Henry's chin, over his cheek towards his lips. "Will," Henry gasped before Will covered Henry's mouth with his.

* * *

_You wouldn't be this close to him if you weren't drunk,_  Will's rational brain reminded him, from the back corners of his drunken stupor. Will realized this, but as they stepped into the elevator and Henry attempted to put some space between them, all Will could think was that he didn't want that, that he wanted - just this once - to know what it felt like to kiss Henry Foss. Even if he knew he would kick himself in the morning for his actions.

* * *

Tongues battling for dominance and hands rubbing up and down backs were interrupted by the ding of the elevator opening on the residential level. Henry took that distraction to pulled himself from Will's lips.  _I just need a moment to breath, to think_ , Henry thought. He tried for a modicum of distance as he walked them down the hall to Will's door but Will's hands tormenting him the entire way down the hall. At Will's door Henry turned to look at his companion to have Will pin him to the door, lips hovering mere centimeters from Henry's. "Truth or dare," Will said, looking into Henry's eyes. It took Henry a moment for his brain to register what was happening. "Truth," Henry finally whispered.

"Do you want to come inside?" Will asked huskily, his lips so close to Henry's that they brushed against his as he spoke.

"I do. Very much so."  _More than you can possibly imagine,_ Henry thought. Will's lips seared against his in response and it took all of Henry's willpower to not let his body give in to the the desires that Will created in him. Henry started to kiss him back but finally realized that if this continued he wouldn't be able to resist any more. Will started to reach for the door handle but Henry stopped him. "However not tonight. We will continue this when you are sober,' Henry promises, kissing Will one last time chastely on the lips. "You know where to find me," he said, leaving Will alone in his bedroom to sleep it off.


	2. The Morning After

Henry woke the next morning with an anxious feeling in his stomach. He had crossed a line with Will last night, a line Henry had never intended to cross.  Not that Henry hadn't wanted to - god, how he wanted to - but in the light of day fear of Will's reaction overrode any desire he was feeling. _Assuming he even remembers last night_ , Henry thought. Despite his anxiety Henry couldn't help thinking about the events of the night before, replaying them in his head. The kisses had been searing and intense, and Henry wished that he was a less honorable person and had accepted Will's invitation into his room and saw where it led them. _Then at least I would have some memories to live off if he kicks me out of his life._ By the time he had returned to his bedroom he felt like his pants had shrunk several sizes and certain parts of his anatomy demanded attention before he was able to go to sleep. 

"You're awfully distracted," Ashley commented around mid-morning, when his mind had once again drifted off to think about the events of the previous evening. She had come into his lab to try and encourage some progress on the new weapon Henry was crafting for her. She had found, however, that her normal accomplice in crime was not up to the usual banter and camaraderie that she was used to.

"I didn't get much sleep last night," he said, suddenly giving his project his undivided attention. The last thing he needed was a meddling Magnus!

Ashley narrowed her eyes, sizing him up. "Will was certainly in an unusual mood yesterday." she said finally.

 _Crap!_ Henry cleared his throat and tried to think of what he could say or do to throw her off the trail. "Um, yeah, he was," he said, coming up blank.

Ashley just stared at him. Henry tried to not look up at her. He felt like any eye contact would give her the information she needed. "Something happened between the two of you last night!"

Henry froze. Apparently she didn't need eye contact to reach that conclusion. "Why would you think that?" he asked slowly. 

"Oh, come on! You are not as slick as you think you are. I've seen you look at him like you're a starving man and he's a juicy steak." She leaned forward eagerly, pulling up a stool and sitting down. "C'mon! Give me the details!"

Henry sighed. "He knew too."

Ashley gave him a look. "Of course he did! He notices more than anyone here. So, did you make the first move or did he?"

Slowly, Henry allowed Ashley to pull some of the details of his previous evening from him. He knew he should keep it to himself, certain Will would be embarrassed if he was aware that other people at the Sanctuary knew of his drunken indiscretion, but Henry needed someone to talk to about this and as crude as Ashley was sometimes she was a good friend and like a sister to him. She wouldn't say anything if he asked her not to.

"So," she said finally when he stopped his story. "Did you go into his room and tap that?"

Henry looked slightly aghast. "Ash!"

"Oh, come on! He's hot and I know you want to. Plus you two would be really cute together!"

Henry sighed "He was drunk. I couldn't take advantage of him like that."

"My, what a gentleman!" she said, mock fanning herself. "So, what happens now?" 

 _Isn't that the question?_ Henry thought anxiously. "He hasn't appeared out of his room yet. You'll find out after I do."

* * *

 

When Will slowly drifted into consciousness the first thing he was aware of was his terrifying headache and a vague feeling that he had thrown up at least once in the past couple hours. The next was the realization that he had managed to sleep for several hours and didn't have nightmares. _Although I feel worse than if I had just not slept so I don't know if I should consider this a win,_ he thought pragmatically. As he laid in bed, bits and pieces of the events of last night slowly filtered back to him. Vague images of drinking way more than was appropriate with Ashley and Henry. Then he shot up in bed, his hungover head protesting and his disturbed stomach threatening to revolt at the motion, as images of what had followed his drinking binge drifted back to his memory. 

He had hit on Henry. More than that, he had made out with Henry. _What had happened? It had seemed like such a good idea at the time._ Will could remember the feelings of deep desire he had for his friend and colleague. _But I'm not gay!_ Despite that assertion from his brain he couldn't help being pleased by another thought that popped into his head _. He kissed me back._ Well, apparently he hadn't misinterpreted all of those furtive glances he had received from Henry. 

When Will thought back to the previous evening his first thought wasn't about the overall _wrongness_ of the situation. It was about the feeling of Henry's lips against his, about the over-all _rightness_. Which disturbed Will more than if he found this situation repulsive. 

_Okay, Zimmerman, you may be sleep deprived and hungover but you need to get it together. We like this job and want to stay here. Acting weird and throwing yourself at the resident technician won't win you any points. It doesn't matter how sweet he is or how cute his smile._

He wished that it had all just been a dream, or that his bed would open up and swallow him whole so he didn't eventually have to leave his room and deal with the disaster his drunken actions had created. Despite the less-than-heterosexual dreams and reoccurring thoughts that had been in the back of Will's head since the Naga attack, Will had been determined to leave them as just that: dreams, passing thoughts and nothing more. Will was straight. He had decided that a long time ago and was determined not to let anything change that. His life had been such a mess of teasing and uncertainty: he had finally reached a tenuous balance of maintaining 'normal.' He was already odd enough, with his ability to pick things out that other people wouldn't even have noticed. Once people found out, their reactions ranged from thinking him a novelty to thinking he was a freak. Adding the label of gay would tip him too far out of the category of normal to even be considered. _Besides_ , his brain rationalized, _this is just a misplaced sense of affection because you’re lonely and he’s interested. You don’t want to lead him on._

When Will's stomach's demand for food outweighed his desire to remain hidden for as long as possible, he finally surfaced for a late lunch. He had hoped the lateness of his meal would mean that he would be eating alone but he was dismayed to find Ashley and Henry in the dining room when he arrived.  

"How ya feeling?" Ashley asks, a wicked grin on her face as Will walked through the door and carefully headed towards the food.

Will gave something that resembled a grunt before looking her over with an appraising eye. "How is it that you don't look at all hung over?" He asked as he put the food his stomach found least objectionable on his plate. "You had to have drank almost as much as I did."

Ashley scoffed and pulled out a chair for him to join them. "That was nothing," she said proudly. "My tolerance is much stronger than that."

Henry scoffed from across the table, causing Will to look up and Ashley to kick him. "As I recall it," she said with a scowl, " _I'm_ not the one who threw up on someone's shoes."

"Yeah, you only threw up on my pants, my bed, and my bathroom floor."

Despite his head screaming at him for peace and quiet, Will couldn't turn down that teaser to a story. "Okay, you have to spill." They all winced at his poor choice of words. "You can't just let that go. You threw up on someone's shoes?" he said, looking Henry in the eye for the first time since the previous evening. Will was pleased to note that it was not as uncomfortable as he had feared.

" _My_ shoes," Ashley whined.

"Hey!" Henry said, and they bantered back and forth, regaling Will with a tale of growing up in the Sanctuary, complete with teenage rebellion and hiding first attempts at drinking from Helen Magnus. Will couldn't help the twinge of jealousy he felt. As difficult as he knew it must have been sometimes, he couldn't help being jealous of the camaraderie, the friendship, the family that they had and he had missed out on, being bounced from foster home to foster home like he had. For not the first time since he found out that Helen Magnus was the one that had saved him, he wondered why she hadn't brought him home to live with her like she had for Henry. _Probably because of my dad. Good for nothing bastard!_

Will shook himself out of his pity party and focussed again on the story in progress.

"So, she got _waaaay_ drunker than she originally planed and knew that Magnus would kill her, or ground her for life, and suckered me into helping her hide out until she sobered up. So I put her in my bed to sleep it off and left to try to run interference with Magnus. When I came back it was like a scene from the Exorcist. Puke was _everywhere!_ " Henry shuddered at the memory and Will laughed.

"Hey! It wasn't THAT bad!" Ashley exclaimed.

"You didn't have to clean it up!" Henry retorted. He turned to Will and said, "It was everywhere. The bed, the floor... she had even somehow gotten it into the shower."

When the meal finally ended Will was hopeful that no permanent damage had been done to his relationship with Henry.  As they had talked he had occasionally seen the glimmer of something in the other man's eyes, but all-in-all things had been easy. 

Will sighed and left the dining hall in the direction of his next task. Stories of cleaning up from drunken binges reminded him that he had not cleaned up from the activities of the previous evening. He only hoped that Magnus had yet to head to that part of the building. He really couldn't deal with being ripped a new one from her at the moment. Under normal circumstances it was not pleasant: with the current state of his head he thought it might crack in half just from her intense glare. He picked up his pace down the hall. 

* * *

 

Henry went to put his plate away and by the time he turned around Will was nowhere to be found. When he looked outside the dining room doors he saw Will racing down the hall. "Hey, Will! Wait up!" 

At the sound of his voice Will turned and, Henry was pleased to observe, stopped to wait for him when he realized it was Henry. _So at least he doesn't appear to be avoiding me,_ Henry thought hopefully.

"You're in a hurry," Henry commented. "Where are you headed?"

Will pointed around the corner and they continued walking in the direction indicated. "I have a feeling there was a bit of a mess from the previous night. I just want to go clean it up before Magnus finds out and kills me."

"No worries man. I took care of that."

Will stops to look at him. "You did?"

"Yeah." Henry shrugs. "I knew Magnus would flip out if she saw so I swung back around there on my way to bed. After... after I left you at your room." _And before I went back to my room and took care of the raging hard-on you created!_ Henry could feel the heat of a blush creeping up his face. From the momentary look that crossed Will's face he noticed it to. _Of course he noticed it, Foss! As Ashley said, Will notices more than anyone here._  

"Henry, about that..." Will started but was cut off by Henry's walkie talkie crackling to life. 

"Henry, come in," came Magnus' brusk voice.

Henry gave Will a quick look and then picked up the walkie from his belt. "Go ahead, boss." 

"Henry, can you meet me in your lab? We are having some odd energy fluctuations from  one of the enclosures in the Shu."

"Sure thing boss. On my way." Putting his walkie back on his belt he looked up at Will apologetically. "So, I gotta..." he gestured with a thumb in the direction of his lab. "Rain check on this conversation?"

"Yeah... rain check. No problem."

As they walked in opposite directions, they both breathed an involuntary sigh of relief at being able to avoid this conversation for a little longer.


	3. Tensions Ignite

Despite the agreement that they would talk about what had transpired between them, the conversation never came. Will rationalized that the timing was just never right. Henry found himself taking a more pessimistic approach, sensing how much Will was trying to avoid the conversation, even if Will didn't realize it himself.

So as a result, whether conscious or otherwise, the two men found themselves spending much less time together than normal. When they were around others the strain in their relationship was almost in-perceivable; they could almost pretend that nothing was wrong. It was only when they were alone that they could not hide from the growing chasm that was forming between them. Henry could feel their attraction pulling them together,  _knew_  Will was feeling it too. The only difference was, Henry wanted to give in, drowned in that desire; Will, on the other hand, seemed to be fighting it with every fiber of his being.

Occasionally he almost seemed to forget to fight the desires and peppered Henry with more touches than was strictly professional or Henry would catch him subtly staring. And then other times Will would flinch at Henry's touch and avoid his gaze.  _Whether he is very deeply in the closet or just not interested I'm not certain._  Either way Henry could feel Will pulling away from him when things started to get too intense. This confusing run of hot and cold made Henry resolve to keep things casual.  _Will as a friend is better than no Will at all_ , he rationalized.

Will knew it had become bad when the Big Guy casually inquired about whether he and Henry were having a disagreement. Will decided to try to remedy this situation.  _You are an adult, not a hormone-ridden teenager. Just because you are having inappropriate urges for your friend and coworker doesn't mean you need to give into them!_ Besides, he had really missed Henry's friendship.

At the tentative knock on his bedroom door Henry opened it to find Will standing outside the room. With a nervous look he held up a movie with one hand and a bowl of popcorn with the other. "Wanna hang out?"

"Of course," Henry responded immediately, opening the door wider so Will could enter.

Henry sat back and just enjoyed Will's presence and the silly movie Will had brought. He tried not to read too much into it when his lycan hearing caught the almost in-perceivable sound of Will's breath catching in his throat every time their fingers accidentally touched in the popcorn.  _Calm down, Foss_ , he scolded himself,  _Friends, remember?_   _Don't get your hopes up and spoil this._

* * *

Every time their fingers met in the popcorn Will felt like he had been hit with a jolt of electricity. He didn't want to pull his fingers away like he did; He wanted to twine their fingers together, hold Henry tight. The sudden desire to rub his buttery fingers all over Henry's naked chest popped into his head and hard as he tried, he couldn't get rid of the mental image it created.  _Get it together, Zimmerman!_  he scolded himself. _We are here to mend fences, not to jump him_. Despite the scolding, he still felt his involuntary intake of breath then next time they both reached for popcorn at the same moment, and couldn't help the thought that this would be so much easier if he could just give in to what his body wanted. All of this fighting his urges was exhausting!

* * *

When Ashley came in and told Henry and Magus that Will was missing, Henry couldn't help fearing the worst. Henry could feel his emotions going haywire. Concern about where he could be... worry about whether he was okay... anger at Will for caring so little about his own well-being that he didn't even leave a note.  _Damn it, Will!_  Henry couldn't help thinking.

When they finally got the address from the information Gregory gave them, Henry practically ran to the van, having to resist the urge to leave the rest of the group behind in his desire to find Will. He knew that he was lucky there were no cops that noticed the several traffic infractions that occurred on the drive to the meat packing plant where Will was being held.

When they finally got to the warehouse, the van had barely stopped before Henry jumped out and ran for the entrance. He knew he probably looked like a man possessed but he couldn't bring himself to care at that moment. The only thing he could think was  _Will better be okay or someone is going to pay._

When he first ran into the building it took him a moment to realize what he was witnessing. It took him a moment longer than that to realize that one of the fighters was Will. Then the plan changed in Henry's mind from  _Make sure someone doesn't hurt Will_  to  _Stop Will from doing something that he won't be able to live with later._  Concern for Henry's own safety was the last thing on Henry's mind as he ran into the ring. All he could think about was stopping Will from doing something that they wouldn't be able to fix, from doing something he would deeply regret. When it became obvious that Will recognized Henry, Henry could have cried.  _Cry later. Take care of Will now._  He grabbed ahold of Will's head, using every ounce of his strength to keep Will staring into his eyes, hoping that would somehow help him remain with him.

* * *

Will and the bug had become one. Will no longer felt any need to fight the bug about what it wanted him to do. So when he was told to kill the person that used to be a friend of his, he knew it was the right course of action. He could feel the overwhelming desire to hurt, to  _kill._  He could feel the joy of the crowd cheering him on. And then he felt hands grab him from behind, trying to pin his arm behind his back. He flung this new opponent away without effort, his only though on getting rid of the pest annoying him so he could complete his job. He turned, intent on finishing off the intruder keeping him from his task. "Whoa, it's me! Henry!" the intruder stated from the floor, hands raised as if to somehow stop him from that prone position. Despite the bug, he could feel a part of his old self rise at the sight and sound of this new person. His confusion stopped him for a moment and then angered him. Will didn't like being confusion helped fuel his aggression and he turned back to the intruder, who had started to stand again. Will was determined to finish him before returning to his previous victim. However as Will grabbed him the intruder grabbed Will back, talking to him in a way that sounded familiar, making Will look him in the eyes. Those eyes. There was something familiar, something that tunneled deep to the core of Will and awoke a part of him the bug had suppressed. "Henry?"  _The intruders name is Henry_ , Will realized.  _I like Henry. Henry is a_ friend. He held on as tightly as he could to Henry, not daring to look away from Henry's eyes, Will's lifeline back to his former self, as he said "Henry...help. Help me!"

* * *

Henry knocked softly on Will's door. He knew that Magnus had finally let Will out of the infirmary after purging the abnormality from the psychiatrist. He hadn't seen Will since he had helped Magnus get him to the infirmary after the rescue. Magnus had made it clear that Will needed to rest and hadn't wanted any visitors. So Henry had been very short tempered, agitated as he waited to be able to see with his own two eyes that Will was indeed going to be okay.

Henry tried to be patient but when there was no response Henry knocked again. "Will?" he called out gently.

When there was no answer after the third knock Henry decided that either Will was indeed not in his room or just really didn't want company. Henry was just about to give up when the door softly shuffled open. When Will did not immediately say anything, Henry held up the game in his hands. "Interested in playing?"

Will just stared at Henry, looking so lost and unlike the Will to which Henry was accustomed. Finally Will just shook his head at Henry.

"Oh," Henry said. That was not the answer he had been hoping for but he tried to not let his hurt show. "I understand. You probably still want to rest." He started to back away from the door. "Well, if you change your mind or want to hang out just let me know."

"Henry," Will said, stopping Henry's retreat. "That was a no to the game, not to the company." Will paused, and then said quietly, "I would actually really appreciate not being alone right now." Henry couldn't help noticing that Will's voice cracked slightly on that last sentence.

When Will was sure Henry was going to follow him into the bedroom he retreated back inside and walked over to sit on the couch, feet tucked under him. Henry, slightly uncertain of how to act without technology as a buffer, awkwardly sat down next to him.

* * *

When Will opened the door he wasn't sure who he expected to be on the other side of it but he couldn't think of anyone he would have preferred it to be than Henry. Ever since the night he had gotten drunk things had been slightly off between them and that bothered Will a lot. Henry made him comfortable and was the first person in a very long time that he could see being a real friend, someone he could actually confide in, who didn't make him feel like a freak. Which, made Will feel the need to put some distance between himself and Henry. Will had learned a long time ago that getting too comfortable was a bad idea. There is one thing in life that is certain: people will always disappoint and desert you. Let them in and you just get hurt.

When Will saw the game that Henry held up was a zombie game, Will couldn't help the intense reaction he felt. Will never thought that would sympathize with monsters, but after turning into a monster himself Will couldn't deal with a game where the whole point was to kill the monsters. However when he saw the momentary hurt on Henry's face when he said no to the game it made Will's heart hurt. He hated seeing that look on Henry, and it hurt doubly to know that he was the cause of it. "That was a no to the game, not to the company," he said and was rewarded with a beautiful smile from the shorter man as Henry turned and followed Will back into his room.

* * *

Henry closed the door behind himself and joined Will on the couch. Neither man seemed to know what to say.

"I'm glad to see you are okay," Henry said after a momentary silence. "Magnus wouldn't let me see you while you were in the infirmary."

"Uh, yeah. I'm okay. I just...I didn't want anyone seeing me like."  _Didn't want_ you _seeing me like that._  Will couldn't help thinking.

_But I already saw you that way in the warehouse_ , Henry wanted to comment. Instead he asked "So you're feeling better then?" Henry felt unbelievably awkward. He wasn't sure if he has ever been so at a loss as to what to say before.

"Better than before," Will said, hesitantly. "Magnus says I am back to normal." He rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, touching the scar from the bug as he rubbed. Henry wondered if he even realized he was doing it. Henry wanted to tell Will that wasn't what he asked, that he asked how he felt, but before Henry could say anything Will continued. "Thanks for coming after me," he said softly.

Henry started so say that it was no problem, that it was the least he could do. Instead what came out was "Why did you do it, Will?"

Will looked up, confused. "Do what?"

"Why did you go alone?" Henry couldn't keep his frustration from coloring his voice.

"I wanted to find Danny and they said I needed to come alone." Will said simply, as if that should answer everything.

"Why didn't you at least  _tell_  us where you were going?"  _Not that we would have let you go alone but still!_

"It just all happened so fast..."

"You could have at least left us a note. A text on the way out the door. Something!" Henry tried to stop and take a deep breath. He had come over to reassure himself that Will was okay, not to give him the third degree.

"...I didn't think it would matter," Will said quietly, looking down at his lap. "Would it really have made a difference if I had?"

"Of course it would have made a difference. You don't run out on family like that!"

Will couldn't help the confused look he shot at Henry before saying softly "...I don't have any family."

Henry turned to sit sideways on the couch, placing his hands on Will's shoulders and staring at him in the eyes intensely. "You do now buddy. And if you hadn't noticed we are a protective bunch."

Will turned and studied Henry sitting next to him on the couch. 'You are, aren't you?" There was a pause before Will continued. "Is that why you saved me?"

"What?" Henry was caught off guard.

"In the warehouse. You saved me. Again. You're always saving me."

_And I will continue it for as long as I can._  Henry tried to shrug it off. "It was a group effort. I just managed to get to you first."

"I'm glad I didn't kill you," Will said sincerely.

"Me too buddy." Henry said, patting Will on the thigh, his hand lingering a fraction longer than necessary. "Not that I seriously worried you would hurt me."

"I was out of control, a monster. I could have killed you."

"Will," Henry said, turning to look Will in the eye. "Abnormal or not," Henry made a point of not using the word 'monster,' "I don't believe you would ever have hurt me. Altered DNA aside, it was still  _you_  in there."

"Hmmmf," Will scoffed, leaning back on the couch.

"What?" Now it was Henry's turn to shoot Will a confused glance.

"Big words from the man afraid of his inner wolf."

"Who was it that told me that I shouldn't be afraid of what I am, that it was a part of me for good or for bad?" Henry countered.

Will looked over at Henry. "Do you believe me or don't you? Because you're throwing my words back in my face but I have yet to feel you actually have taken any of those words to heart yourself."

_Touché_ , Henry couldn't help thinking. "Will, regardless of whether we believe each other, I know you would never hurt me. But," he continued quickly when he felt Will start to tense up again in response. "I'm glad neither of us got hurt."

Henry reached over and patted Will on the arm. It warmed Henry's heart when Will grabbed the hand and held onto it like a lifeline.

They sat in silence for a while, holding hands, Will absentmindedly playing with Henry's fingers. "I'm glad it was you," Will stated, breaking the quiet that had filled the room.

Henry glanced at him, quizzically. "I'm glad that it was you that got to me first." Will clarified, pulling Henry's hand onto his lap and staring at it intensely as he spoke. "I just...I don't think any of the others could have stopped me."

"Biggie's just as strong..." Henry began.

"It wasn't your physical strength that pulled me back," Will said, remembering the event. The feeling of exhilaration at the fight, the aggression, loving the sound of the cheers at his show, the desire to kill Danny. The desire to kill then there had been Henry. When Henry had put his hands on Will's face and stared into his eyes it had been a lifeline back to Will's true self. "It was you." Will almost whispered. "You brought me back. Otherwise... I don't know what I would have done, don't know who I might have hurt..."

Henry didn't think that Will even realized that he has started shaking. Henry gently pried his hand from Will and pulled him close to wrap Will in a hug. Will clung to him as desperately as he had the other day. "Henry," Will tried to continue, his voice muffled in Henry's shoulder. "I just..."

"It's okay," Henry comforted, as Will shook in his arms.

"But...if you hadn't been there..."

"But I was. And everyone's okay," Henry soothed, stroking Will's hair as he spoke. "I'm here. I'll always be here, for as long as you want me to be. I care about you too much to let something happen to you."

At Henry's words Will stilled and put back to look at Henry. Henry's heart sank.  _Crap. I've said the wrong thing._  Will just stared into his eyes for a long moment, as if trying to figure something out. Henry stayed as still as possible, holding his eye contact while mentally kicking himself for getting caught up in the moment and letting those words spill out. He didn't know how to respond to the growing silence. And then in an instant there was no question how to respond as Will's lips came crashing against his.

* * *

_He cares about me?_ At that moment all Will could think was that he needed Henry. Henry, the one constant in his life at the moment, the one thing that felt comfortable and made sense. Whether he liked it or not Henry felt like home, was his security blanket. Before his brain could think things through and muck things up Will pressed his lips to Henry's, pulling him close.

* * *

Henry knew Will was hurting right now and wanted to give him what he wanted, what it seemed like he needed. The rational part of Henry's brain told him that he should stop this, that he didn't want to be something that Will would later regret. He didn't know if his heart could handle that. Despite that warning from his brain, his hands and lips seemed to have a different plan; his hands roaming freely along Will's well-defined torso, his lips exploring Will's mouth. Will's hands, while much more tentative, did not dissuade Henry. Henry took this as encouragement, bringing his hands slowly down to brush against Will's growing arousal.

* * *

When Henry rubbed against Will's member, Will couldn't help his involuntary gasp at the sensation. It had been longer than Will cared to admit since someone had touched him like that and it had never been a man. Despite the knee jerk thought he had of  _I'm not gay_ , he couldn't stop himself from thrusting involuntarily against Henry's hand.

* * *

Henry slowly unbuttoned Will's jeans. He gave Will one final kiss and slowly slid down Will's body, kissing his nipples through his shirt, lifting his shirt to lick at Will's navel before Henry reached his goal. Henry pushed down Will's jeans and slowly pulled Will out of his boxers. He licked his lips involuntarily before putting the entire thing gently in his mouth.

* * *

Will had to restrain himself from grabbing ahold of Henry's head and thrusting into his mouth until he came. It had just been so long and it just felt so right with Henry.  _But you're not gay,_  that nagging voice in the back on his head pipped up.  _You're normal. We've tried so hard to be normal._

_But it feels so good,_  he countered.  _It feels so right._

He closed his eyes as he took in the feeling of Henry's mouth on him.

* * *

Henry wasn't sure what exactly had possessed him to be so forward with Will but Will wasn't stopping him. Hell, Will seemed to be enjoying himself as much as Henry was. Henry had been thinking about going down on Will for a very long time now but never thought it was something that would ever actually happen. And now that it was happening...it was as great as Henry fantasized it would be. Every time Henry pulled his mouth away Will gave a little whimper from the back of his throat and when Henry sucked it back in again Will groaned slightly, involuntarily thrusting his hips forward minutely to meet Henry's mouth. Will's hand came down to gently pet Henry's hair as he continued. When Henry began using one hand as well, Will gasped and tightened his fingers in Henry's hair.

* * *

Will was close... so achingly close... He wanted to thrust into Henry's amazing mouth until he succumbed to this beautiful sensation and came down Henry's throat. He hated to admit it ( _I'm not gay_ , he wanted to scream, even in light of his impending orgasm) but this was the best blow job he had ever received. He couldn't believe the amazing sensations that Henry was producing with his mouth.  _Henry_  was amazing.  _And he actually cares about me?_  Will's heart had threatened to swell a little at Henry's comment earlier.  _I'll always be here, for as long as you want me to be. I care about you too much to let something happen to you._

_Except we know this story,_  his pesky subconscious responded.  _He'll be here until he gets his rocks off, or until something more entertaining comes around and then where will you be? Alone again. And what do you think Magnus will think if she finds out about your dalliance with one of her employees? Do you_ want _to be alone, no home...no job...no friends...again?_

Will's eyes shot open at the thought. Magnus would fire him. Henry would leave him. There was no way that this would end well. It's not like Henry's words were sincere. His heart wanted to believe that the things Henry said were true... that he had actually found a friend that cared about him...perhaps even someone to trust as more than a friend... but Will knew from experience that this was not the case.

He looked down at Henry and all Will could think was  _I have to get out of here_.

* * *

Every little gasp and whimper from Will sent a little jolt of electricity straight to the core of Henry and he could feel himself twitching in response. His pants were becoming desperately tight and he wanted so badly to give himself some relief but Henry resisted that urge. With any luck there would be opportunity for that in the future but right now was about Will.

Suddenly Will jumped up. "Stop! Please, stop! We can't do this.  _I_  can't do this." A startled Henry just knelt there, shocked and not sure what to say, as Will pulled away from him, jumping off of the couch, tucking himself back in his pants and running out of the room, despite the fact that they were in Will's bedroom.

_What just happened?_  Henry thought, horny and perplexed. Will was confusing and frustrating but this took things to a new level. Henry wasn't sure if he should wait or leave or chase after him. Finally he stood and frustratedly shuffled back to his room.

* * *

Will was halfway down the hall before he realized that he had just left his own bedroom.  _Well, crap_ , Will thought. Going back to his bedroom wasn't an option. If he went back there Henry would undoubtedly want to talk about what just happened.  _And rightly so,_  a traitorous part of Will's mind agreed. Finally Will decided to head to his office. Locking the door once there, Will shut off the light and curled up on the couch he normally reserved for his patients. Will couldn't help thinking that there was something appropriate with that, given his recent behavior.  _You just ran out of the room - YOUR room - while being given a blow job. That's just not normal!_  Will couldn't stop thinking about what had been happening not even ten minutes prior, the attention that Henry's warm mouth had been paying to parts of him that had not had attention in longer than he cared to remember. At this reminder, those neglected parts gave an adamant twitch in protest. Unconsciously Will's hand slid down to his shorts, rubbing in time with the memory of Henry's mouth.

What was wrong with him? He could be in his bedroom right now, having Henry  _actually_  doing this to him rather than masturbating in his office to a memory. Will's desire was so strong that he was almost tempted to get up and find Henry, continue where they left off, but Will couldn't do it. Will didn't want to risk everything: his job, his friend, his home. No matter how much he wanted to be with Henry. No matter how right it felt. People were not dependable and abandonment was inevitable. Will had learned that a long time ago. That lesson had been reinforced over and over since his mother died. Will learned ways to cope, ways to avoid getting hurt. Rule number one: don't let people you could care about close. If everyone is kept at a distance then he can't be abandoned, can't be rejected. Will found the Sanctuary tested that rule, a lot. Will found it very hard to keep  _anyone_  at the Sanctuary at arm's length.

Will quickened the pace of his stroking hand, closing his eyes and imagining the feeling of Henry's mouth on him, the image of Henry's nipple rings, the feeling of Henry's desire rubbing against him. With a muffled cry Will came hard, riding out the memory of Henry's solid body against him.  _Oh, yeah_ , Will thought as he grabbed a tissue to clean up.  _I'm not gay at_ all _._  Cleaning himself up and returning himself to his shorts, Will laid down and tried to sleep, ignoring the crazy he knew he was.


	4. The Morning After: Take Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Henry deal with the aftermath of the previous evening's events.

Will woke the next morning, temporarily disoriented by his unusual location. All too quickly, however, the events of the previous night came crashing back to him: Henry. The failed blow job. His insane exit from his room. Will sighed and laid back on his couch, pondering regrettable decisions in his life. Finally the clock made him aware that he could hide from the day no longer; he needed to get up, lest his sleep location be discovered by the rest of the staff. Straightening his sleep-rumpled clothes, Will left his office and slunk back to his room. He couldn't help the slight feeling of surprise at the fact that his room didn't show any indication of the events of the previous evening. He wasn't sure what he expected. It's not as if he expected to find Henry still there and he didn't know what other evidence there would be. _Oh, Henry!_ Will felt so bad about how things had been handled. What had Henry done after Will's disappearing act? Was he hurt?  _Of course he was,_ Will thought. Will couldn't stand the idea that he had caused Henry pain.  _Then why did you run out?_ that pesky voice in his head nagged. Will couldn't even give that voice a reply this time.  _How much must Henry hate me now?_

All throughout the day Will braced himself for the confrontation that never came. Despite his crazy behavior the previous evening, Henry was acting like business as usual. No askance glances in the meeting, no cornering him after the meeting to talk. Will breathed a sigh of relief at the respite from having to explain what happened. At yet, despite his relief at not having to explain his behavior, Will couldn't help feeling confused and disappointed.  _Doesn't he want to know what happened? Isn't he curious? Angry? I would be!_

_But this is what you wanted, isn't it?_ Will really wished he could shut up his pesky was what he wanted. Or he had thought it was. Now he wasn't so sure. Either way he knew it was for the best.

* * *

Henry felt like he was going to explode. This hot and cold business from Will was putting him at his wit's end. He didn't mind giving Will space or going slow but what he couldn't deal with was not knowing where he stood with the other man. Henry didn't like playing emotional games and even though every instinct he had was telling him that Will wasn't playing games, Henry didn't see what else could be making him act this way. Regardless of the reason for Will's actions, Henry was hurt and embarrassed and didn't particularly want to see Will at the moment. He braced himself for the morning meeting, putting on his professional demeanor in an attempt to not be screamingly obvious to everyone at the Sanctuary that he and Will were on the outs. He could feel Will's eyes on him throughout the meeting; it took every ounce of his willpower to keep from meeting that gaze, instead running on autopilot when Will said something that required a response from him When the meeting ended, Henry hurried out the door as quickly as he could, mumbling something about a project he needed to work on. He breathed a sigh of relief when he was around the corner and away from the screaming presence of Will.

The previous night had been quite difficult for Henry. When Will ran out of the room, Henry was hurt and bewildered. Was the blow job bad? Henry didn't feel like this was the case. Will  _seemed_  to be enjoying it, up until the moment that he ran out of the room. Not that Henry had given many blow jobs but he thought that the signs of enjoying one were fairly obvious. And if he wasn't enjoying it, why didn't he just ask Henry to stop? Why did he have to run out like Henry was raping him or something? Henry's fists clenched slightly at the anger that flared for the man who was yanking around his heart. Henry sighed and continued walking to his lab. He needed a project. Something to keep him occupied and away from adorable but confusingly infuriating psychiatrists.

* * *

For days Will couldn't stop thinking about what had happened that evening, couldn't stop thinking about the failed blow job, about Henry's lips on his cock. Oh, God! He felt like he might live with a perpetual hard-on for the rest of his life. Despite the fact that Will and Henry were doing their best to keep as much distance between each other as possible, it was impossible to avoid the other man completely. And when a meeting, or some other event forced them to be in the same room, Will couldn't help the fantasies that burst into his mind whenever Henry started talking. Will couldn't stop himself from surreptitiously watching those delicious lips, wishing they were doing something else to him. And through it all Henry acted as if nothing had happened, with the exception of the fact that he hadn't spoken to Will for any reason other than a work-related one since the incident. Will missed his friend.

Finally, Will couldn't take it any longer. Despite his conflict regarding his erotic dreams regarding Henry and his insistence he wasn't gay, he missed Henry. Everything else aside, he missed his friend and wanted him back. He went up to Henry in the library, while no one was around. "Henry, can we talk?"

Henry scowled at Will. "You want to talk?" he said, unable to keep the disbelieve and upset from his voice.

"Henry..." Will began.

"Wait! Will this take a long time? Should I open the door for you?" Will looked at him quizzically. "To make it easier for you to run out?"

Will got a pained look on his face. "Henry, I'm sorry..."

"No, Will. Sometimes I'm sorry isn't good enough."

"Well I am, Henry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I like you. I like you more than I should, all things considered. But I'm not... I'm not gay. Yeah, I do seem to be attracted to you but it's not because... It's most likely a result of you being my friend and saving my life and... I'm not gay. I'm sorry."

"Call it whatever you want, Will. Just know that I am done. I deserve better than this."

Will reached a hand out to touch the arm of Henry as he retreated past. As soon as skin touched skin Will knew it was a bad idea.  _If it's such a bad idea why does it feel so right?_  that pesky voice that Will had grown to hate asked. Henry still looked deeply hurt and angry but the touch did cause Henry to stop from leaving, Will noted.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said, running his hand along Henry's arm in spite of his previous assertions to no interest. "I don't want to lead you on."

Henry felt his traitorous body leaning into Will's touch, felt his feet take a step forward to bridge the distance between the two. He saw the panic warring with desire in Will's eyes. Desire apparently won as Will's hand ran up Henry's arm to rub lightly along Henry's jaw line, his thumb tracing Henry's bottom lip. Henry closed his eyes at the sensation, bringing one hand up to lightly rest on Will's hip.  _Damn you, Zimmerman,_  was the only coherent thought that could form in Henry's head before he felt Will's lips on his own. How he could be so angry with Will one moment and making out with him the next was a mystery. At the same time how Will could say he wasn't gay one minute and have his jean-clad erection pressed against Henry's hip the next was an equal mystery.

As if Will could read Henry's mind, Will stiffened in Henry's arms, the realization of what they were doing stilling Wills arms and lips.

Henry suddenly felt a need for self-preservation. He couldn't have Will push him away. Not again. Henry pushed away preemptively. "No, Will. You aren't gay, remember? You can't have it both ways." Positive he would lose his resolve if he looked at Will again, he extracted himself from Will's arms and quickly left the room.


End file.
